😤 Agitated / Upset · 5 steps · Take it slow

They're agitated, and nothing you say is landing.

This is one of the hardest moments in dementia care. Take one breath — here are five calm steps other families try.

A calm-steps card from ourturn.care/help

1. 1

   You first

   Take one slow breath before you do anything. You can't calm someone if you're not calm.

2. 2

   Quick check — could something physical be wrong?

   Pain, hunger, needing the bathroom, or an infection can all cause agitation. These need to be ruled out first.

   • Pain or discomfort?
   • Hungry or thirsty?
   • Needs the bathroom?
   • Recent medication change?
   • Fever or illness signs?
3. 3

   Lower the temperature

   Speak slowly and softly. Don't argue, correct, or explain. Match their emotional tone — validate what they're feeling, not the facts.

   • "I can see you're upset. I'm here."
   • Reduce noise — turn off TV, close windows
   • Give them physical space, don't crowd
   • Offer a familiar comfort object
4. 4

   Redirect, don't reason

   If validation doesn't work, gently change the subject or environment. Don't try to logic them out of it.

   • Suggest a walk or move to another room
   • Put on music they love
   • Offer a snack or warm drink
   • Look at photos together
5. 5

   When to get help

   If agitation lasts more than 30 minutes, if they're at risk of hurting themselves or you, or if this is a sudden new behavior — call their doctor or emergency services.

These steps are things other families try — not medical advice. Every person is different, and you know yours best.