🚫 Refusing Care · 4 steps · Take it slow

They won't let you help — and you're both exhausted.

Refusal is almost never stubbornness. Here are four gentle approaches other families try when care is refused.

A calm-steps card from ourturn.care/help

1. 1

   Pause — this isn't defiance

   Refusal is almost always fear, confusion, or discomfort. They may not understand what you're asking, or the task may feel threatening.

2. 2

   Step back and try differently

   Don't push. Come back in 15–20 minutes and approach as if it's the first time.

   • Change who's asking — a different person may get a different response
   • Change the environment — bathroom too cold? Lighting too harsh?
   • Break the task into smaller steps
   • Offer choices: "Bath or shower?" not "Time for your bath"
3. 3

   Make it feel safe

   Explain each step before you do it. Move slowly. Keep them warm and covered.

   • Warn before touching: "I'm going to help with your sleeve"
   • Use a calm, warm tone — not a parenting tone
   • Play their favorite music during the task
   • Keep the routine consistent — same time, same order
4. 4

   Is this a pattern?

   If they consistently refuse the same task, log it. There may be an underlying issue — pain during movement, fear of water, sensitivity to touch. Discuss with their doctor.

These steps are things other families try — not medical advice. Every person is different, and you know yours best.