👤 Shadowing · 4 steps · Take it slow

You can't even go to the bathroom alone anymore.

Shadowing comes from their anxiety — but it's still suffocating for you. Here's what other families try.

A calm-steps card from ourturn.care/help

1. 1

   Acknowledge your own frustration

   Being followed everywhere is exhausting and claustrophobic. Those feelings are completely valid. Take a breath — you're not a bad person for needing space.

2. 2

   Why are they following you?

   Shadowing is driven by anxiety and fear of abandonment. They may not remember that you'll come back, so being near you is their only source of safety.

   • Has there been a recent routine change?
   • Are they in an unfamiliar environment?
   • Have you been away recently?
   • Are they feeling unwell or anxious?
3. 3

   Reduce their anxiety

   The goal is to help them feel secure without you being physically present every moment.

   • Give them a "job" near where you are — folding laundry, sorting buttons
   • Leave a personal item with them (your scarf, a photo) as a comfort anchor
   • Use calm verbal reassurance: "I'm just in the kitchen, I'll be right back"
   • Try a familiar TV show or music as a companion when you step away
4. 4

   Build in breaks for yourself

   Shadowing can be relentless. You need moments of separation for your own mental health. Ask a family member or friend to sit with them while you take 20 minutes for yourself.

   • Even 10 minutes alone helps — don't wait until you're depleted
   • If they follow you to the bathroom, it's okay to gently close the door and talk through it
   • Consider a support group — other caregivers understand this exact experience
   • This behavior often reduces as they settle into a stable routine

These steps are things other families try — not medical advice. Every person is different, and you know yours best.